I don't know what I want.

[Kama]

Just that.

[Guest]

Then how will guys know what to give to you?

------------------

Kidding aside, I hear you. I vascillate between not knowing what I want, knowing exactly what I want and not being allowed to have it, and getting exactly what I want and discovering it wasn't what I wanted after all. Although the last only happens every once in while. Quite frustrating.

Sorry. I'm not much help. Caffiene-free Diet Dr. Pepper? *offers*

[Kama]

exactly what I want and discovering it wasn't what I wanted after all.

This is what I'm thinking most about. Does it have anything to do with always wanting something more? Or having presupositions about a given thing, which leave you disappointed, cause the thing turns out different?

Sometimes, it's minor things, like staying at home and regretting you didn't go out. Or vice-versa. Or as big as this whole job thing.

Like when I applied for the traineeshipe in the EU back in the summer, and then was happy to find out I didn't get it, because I had a job, and friends, and quite a cool life. But now that I'm applying for a pernament post, I'm thinking it is what I want. But how do I know?

*weird mood*

I should have gone out today.

[--Kat--]

People need something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. I think part of the let-down of getting exactly what you want is the sudden loss of the something to hope for. It means you need to find new dreams.

[Jon Boy]

If you have any regular, unadulterated Dr. Pepper, I'll take one.

[the twinkster]

I don't know what I want either. This lack of knowledge causes me to keep making mistakes.

I should know better, but I don't...

[Guest]

*waves*

----
:P Just kidding.

[GreNME]

You want me, but the thing is, not everyone can have me, and I can't set myself aside for this sort of thing right now.

I hear Lalito thinks you're cute, though.

[Lalito]

She's cute, but given how different our personalities are, we'd kill each other within minutes. And besides, I'm still saving myself for you. ...you're doing the same for me, too, right?

Kama, as I told you once before...

Shh, my darling, our love should not, can not be. Despite our sighs of passion and gasps of lust, despite our pledges of love and vows of eternity, though our love be single -- our lives be seperate. Not just seperated by different continents, but by different worlds. I would not, could not have our passion postponed until the death of summer -- it should drive me mad, my Kama. No, let us say adieu while we may still look at each other without tears blurring our visions of each other's perfection and turn our minds to lesser matters of the cruel world. For who would envy Tantalus his forever forbidden fruits? Not I, love, and my heart should be rent asunder should you seek a love that the gods themselves have damned to less than a fleeting vision of Paradise. No, my Kama, my life, my love, let us share one last kiss of unfulfilled promise and unbridled passion and turn, walk away, live for lesser beings and pettier matters, and devote our attention to the futile hope of forgetting that we ever loved so deeply, with such promise.

One last kiss, love, to imbed the torture of your beauty in my memory, and let us part as halved hearts beating a strained rhythm through bodies forever doomed to unfulfillment and misery for so long as the two remain twain.

[Nathan Novak]

I said the same thing to a sub sandwich, once.


Mmmmm... sandwich. Yeah, that's what I want right now!

[Kama]

I'll wait, John...

:wub:

[Nathan Novak]

I'd wait for a sandwich, too, Kama.

[Kama]

Lalo and Leto sandwich? :blink:

[Nathan Novak]

No, I was thinking more along the lines of a Ham Sandwich, but, hey, whatever.

[Kama]

How tragic is it, though?

Rejected by both Leto and Lalo...

:huh:

[celia60]

Wait just a second...where did the sandwich jokes start? I hadn't seen them here before I started making them on sakeriver.

Eh, whatever. So long as Lalo is out, I'm in.

[Kama]

Okay, then. Celia, Leto, Kama.

[Novak@Lazy]

::wimpers::

Sandwhich for the poor starving college kid who actually lives at home and, at the moment, is well off?

::beg::

[saxon75]

Nathan, you read my mind.

I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I sure as shootin' know I want a sandwich.

[Frisco]

I thought the sandwich jokes started when we decided that Pat looked like Jared, the Subway guy.

Or do we classify those as "sammich" jokes?

[nndraa]

I feel you Kama, I never know what I want either. When I do get what I think I want, I don't want it anymore. Yes, I'm finnicky. It has been the source of much unhappiness for me in the last few months, but I'm starting to just accept that this is it. The maximum level of satisfaction is this. Sounds depressing, but it's not. It's defenitly less nerve racking.

[Kama]

I want to fall in love.

:(

[katharina]

Why?

[Kama]

Because even though I am being honest, I feel like I'm cheating.

Because it's a good feeling when someone think's you're special and I want to reciprocate this feeling.

Because I want to miss someone badly just to get incredibly happy when I see them.

[Anna]

Psst, Kama, I know it's frustrating, but it always happens when you don't expect it to. For me, my mother just died, and I had been kindly told by the man I was found of that I was too young for him (a blessing, for since my emotional situation, I would have gone very far for someone who was fine, but that I didn't really love.)
So I told myself : Anna, you're 19, you're studying, wait at last the end of your study before involving in a real relationship.
6 month later, I moved in Vincent's appartment. :rolleyes:

[Guest]

Kama, break it off. There's no point to a relationship unless you can be honest, and if you honestly want to answer "I wish I loved you." it means you're lying to him now.

It is NOT better to be someone that isn't right - even if they are wonderful to you - than to be by yourself. Because then, you're cutting yourself off froma chance for something real.

[Kama]

I don't want to break it off. I like it.

We're both having fun, and although he's more into this than I am, he said to me one day it was way to early to talk about love.

I don't think I'm making myself very clear. Maybe because I myself am not sure what I want to say. Or what I want, in general ;)

We've talked. We agreed that right now, we want to have fun. Be together. Neither of us wants a serious relationship.

But since I am never happy with what I've got, I want something more. I want love, I want to find someone to spend my life with. Don't we all? So on the one hand, I'm quite comfortable right now, and I'm enjoying myself. I'm enjoying myself much more than when I was by myself, and am definitelly not ready to break up. But there is always this feeling of wanting something deeper. So this feeling of not being honest - I don't think I'm naming it correctly; and I don't think it has anything to do with the boy or the way I treat him.

It's pretty simple, really. I'm having fun. He's having fun. The moment I see this is getting out of hand - one way or another, I'll be breaking off.

I just like to ramble. And I suppose there are moments when I like to feel miserable, even though I have no reasons for it.

[Kat]

:(

[Kamila]

Aw, come on, kat :)

[P.S. from Kama]

It's kinda more like high school dating.

[katharina]

I know. I just... I don't think love and relationships is something to play around with. You could say it's experience, but then, it's experience with the kind of relationship you don't want. It's like becoming proficient in the wrong language. I think it's counter-productive to your ultimate goal.

[TomDavidson]

Kama, there's nothing wrong with "meaningless" fun dating; don't worry that you're going to "spoil" yourself for a "real" relationship. The key, though, is to remember to keep looking for that real relationship, and not to suddenly decide to settle for what you've got.

[katharina]

*thinks* Just be honest, though. I mean, if you're just goofing off, make sure he knows that.

[Kama]

Okay.

[katharina]

*hugs Kama* :) Take care, sweetie. If he hurts you, we'll beat him with a stick.

[GreNME]

I agree with Tom. You don't have to be madly in love with someone to be dating them. I've dated many people, and I can say that there were relationships where I may not have been "in Love" with the other person, but we had a good relationship, we were honest and kind and had fun with each other, and if anything, I learned from it. Take your time, enjoy yourself, and just see what happens. If it doesn't turn into some magical Love story, that's okay, as long as you're still being honest with each other and yourself. That last part counts a lot for learning what it is you really want.

I typically discourage the date one week, fall in Love the next week, and make lifelong plans the next week types of relationships. Not because someone needs to "go out and experience things," but because the kind of Love that people spend the rest of their lives in usually takes longer than that, and won't come if you try to force it. Don't rule things out by default, but by the same token, don't expect one thing in a relationship to always lead to another, to another, to another. Sometimes, things happen differently than we expect them to.

[Starla*]

The sage has spoken :) . Like a true Sagittarian.

Don't sweat it--it'll all be good. I know what you mean, about wanting something deeper, but having a great time with what you have. Just go with the flow, if you're not drowning.

If you do end up breaking it off and hurting him--c'est la vie, and I'm not trying to sound cold-hearted with that statement. I'm usually the one on the dumped end, but I understand that's the way it goes sometimes, even though it hurts. But that's a part of life--pain, joy, love, etc.

Don't worry, be happy. :)